Friday, December 16, 2022

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry



Reviewed by Kristin

In this new memoir, Matthew Perry does not hold back. He talks openly about his family, friends, and lovers. He also talks a lot about his love of a good view and the millions of dollars he has spent fighting his addictions. His honesty comes through as he talks about a whole lot of bad choices, and a few good ones, that he has made.

While being shuttled back and forth between his divorced parents, young Matthew was often sent on an airplane bearing a sign “Unaccompanied Minor”. The theme runs through the book, a kid’s loneliness and uncertainty at being put into the care of flight attendants and airport personnel at a young age. Matthew grew up, but the feeling of being unaccompanied continued. The feeling of not being good enough followed him through every relationship. Near the end he does throw out a comment like “Hey, I’m not going to do that in my next relationship, and by the way ladies, I’m still single!”

A major health problem—or you might say a disaster—helped Matthew to the realization that he had to quit smoking, drinking, and taking drugs. No spoilers here: in the very beginning he talks about his colon exploding as a result of opioid use, and the indignity of living with a colostomy bag for a year. Many surgeries later, he is still hoping that everything holds together and he won’t end up with his bodily waste collected outside of his body once again.

The book is certainly a tell-all, mostly about himself but also about those around him. While a few friends and family are always held up as blameless and supportive, Matthew also writes about those relationships that he wishes had gone another way. He’s not above name dropping either, both for celebrity exposure or for shock value. Reviews have lambasted him for mourning the death of River Phoenix and immediately lamenting that yet “Keanu Reeves still walks among us.” Matthew also repeats the line later upon hearing of Chris Farley’s death. He claims to have just picked a name out of the air, but two mentions of Keanu Reeves seems a little harsh.

For those reading just to hear about the ten-year run of the television show Friends, Matthew drops many little details about his time on the set. Mostly, he talks about how he somehow managed to work while his addictions clawed at him, and how his co-actors and producers worked with him through various stints in rehab centers. The cast truly became an ensemble as they supported each other through many highs and lows. (Cue the theme song: “I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour. I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before. I’ll be there for you, ‘cause you’re there for me too…”

Yes, I watched Friends like many others around the world. I started rooting for Monica and Chandler to get together way before it actually happened. The show was a comfort watch in the days when you had to turn on the TV at the right time to catch your favorite characters lounging on a big orange couch in Central Perk. This memoir took me back to the places where I was in life while watching the show. It is an unflinching look at the struggles of one man, and I appreciate that Matthew is sharing this with us.

After all his health issues and rehab stays, Matthew says there is just one thing he knows he can do—he can help others trying to get clean and sober. He says that he has worked with hundreds of people in various groups. I hope that someone with their own struggles can also read this and find a bit of hope.

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