Edwardian Etiquette

 Reviewed by Jeanne

The series “Downton Abbey” has a number of local fans, people who enjoy not only the story lines but the quaint customs and formalities among the upper class of that era in British society. This is a time when class lines were beginning to break down just a bit and the hierarchy between servants and masters were beginning to be a bit more flexible.   Even so, some critics have noted that certain familiarities between the classes are shown in the series that aren’t necessarily backed up by any facts; but without them, many modern viewers would be unable to accept the show. Too rigid, too formal, and too ritualized:  surely people didn’t really live like that!

I found an interesting little book among the library’s collection that answers some of those questions.  It’s entitled A Book of Edwardian Etiquette, but is really a reprint of a 1902 book, Etiquette for Women:  A Book of Modern Modes and Manners by “One of the Aristocracy.” I found it to be one of those books one can start reading at any point and then it’s a toss-up as to whether I’m going to laugh hysterically or shake my head in disbelief.

After reading just a few pages, it’s obvious that the Earl of Grantham and his family are libertines, flouting the rules of good society at every turn.  Perhaps it’s because they live in the country and not London, but still I’m sure the author of this tome would be shocked and dismayed at how lax they are. For example,  ladies are admonished not to accept any attentions from men in large towns, and men are told to offer none, except perhaps to open a carriage door or hail a cab if the lady is unable to do so, but then he must raise his hat and leave immediately.  The author notes that some gentlemen are reluctant to do even these things, but the man in question "probably" regrets his inability to give aid. In other words, women are to make no eye contact, pass no pleasantries, nor ask help from anyone and men aren't supposed to offer.

I won’t attempt to go into the dress code!

The “At Homes” and “Teas” are to our sensibilities formal events but fortunately females only have “but to look your best and be your pleasantest.”  Men, on the other hand, have a “more onerous post.”  Not only are they required to carry the refreshments to everyone but they also must be amusing, tactful, rise when a lady enters, open a door for her to depart, and to escort her wherever she wishes to go. Onerous indeed!

I can hardly wait to find out if the Grantham family will follow the mourning customs of the era.  At that time, widows were expected to wear black for two years—or as this book puts it, is the “regulation time,” but offers helpfully that some widows wear it for three or even longer.  The cap and veil are worn for a year and a day, and widows are not supposed to accept invitations or go into society for a year.  And widows aren’t the only ones:  the entire family should wear mourning for six months to a year, depending on the relationship to the deceased.  Even infants should be dressed in mourning clothes for at least three months. I’m betting that will fall by the wayside as well: everybody loves the costumes and I just can’t see the designers limiting themselves to black or gray for very long.

(And by the way, there are strong rumors that Julian Fellows is working on a “prequel” series about Lord Grantham and Cora’s courtship, which means this book would be fairly timely, although I don’t recall reading anything in there about how to behave when an American is involved.  On second thought, since there are entire sections on how one is to enter a room, perhaps this book was actually written with Americans in mind, hoping they would read it and behave accordingly.)

In case you can’t tell, I enjoyed this little book a great deal—almost as much as I enjoy “Downton Abbey.”  I will say that it is fun to read aloud to an audience because then you’ll have someone else to react when you come to the pages about the mother of the bride being deserving of “much pity” because the “house is upset, the servants grown wildly excited and out of hand,” and it is up to this poor woman to see that everything gets done properly. 

There’s so much more to this very slim volume, from advice on what to wear to what occasion to the appearance of a calling card and the correct number of servants to have waiting in the cloakroom.  Still, it may keep you busy until January, when the fourth season of “Downton Abbey” arrives.